Accepting Our Child Has a Difference/Disability: It's A Process

"When our daughter was two, we noticed that not only did she not speak, but she didn’t seem to understand most of what we told her.  She has a twin brother and he was speaking in sentences, telling us stories, and in every way communicating well.  We wanted to believe that she was just a late bloomer, but when she started tantruming from frustration, screaming from noises we could barely hear, and staring glazedly into space – absolutely checking out from reality – we knew something was not right." Suspecting Auditory Processing Disorder in Young Children

Realizing that your child has something "wrong" for lack of a better term is extremely frightening and completely overwhelming at first.  I remember being so stressed by it all that I actually would have quasi-panic attacks where I would feel my heart palpitating and feel short of breath.

Thoughts would race through my head: Will she ever be able to understand language?  What if she always tantrums? Will I have a 16 year old daughter who runs around frantically screaming with her hands held over her ears whenever she hears a loud noise?

Yes, it's true.  When our children show signs of a problem, we have no real idea how significant that problem is going to be in their lives.  And it is not just us who don't know!  We go to doctors and therapists and specialists of various sorts who can tell us what most likely is going on in their opinion, but none of them can give us guarantees of what the future holds.

So the hardest thing we as parents do is learn to be patient, keep hope alive, and honor and assist our children where they are at each and every day.  We cherish the little things they accomplish and work to help them meet one goal and then the next along their path.

Then over time we realize that our own anxieties are less.  We come to understand this disability for its gifts as well as its difficulties.  We embrace our child for who she is and cannot imagine nor wish her to be any different than whom she is.

Tell Yourself Ten Good Things About Yourself – How to Battle Negative Self-Talk

I’ve written before about self-esteem and the child with special needs, specifically in Nurturing Self-Esteem in the Child with SpecialNeeds, but I was reminded recently during a conversation, about a game I played with my daughter to help her specifically with her self-esteem.

After experiencing some bullying, my daughter became very down on herself and got to the point where she believed the insults hurled at her were accurate portrayals of whom she really was.  She started to believe she was stupid and fat and no one would want to be her friend.    It got so bad, she started telling herself these hideous lies, and I knew I needed to do something to stop her.  She needed an intervention, but what would work best?

So I caught her saying an evil to herself one day and I explained to her that when you tell yourself such things, you start to believe them.  I told her if she continued to go through her life telling herself how stupid or fat she was, she would always be miserable because she was carrying a bully around inside her own head.  I told her she was being the bully to herself!

Well, my sweet little girl who would never hurt anyone intentionally was devastated to hear that she was being a bully.  That was just not how she thought of herself.  So we made up a game to change her from being a bully to herself into being a best friend to herself.

Whenever she thought one bad thought about herself, she had to say ten good things about herself.  We practiced this by randomly asking each other for ten good things; for example, we’d be riding in the car and I would just say, “Quick, tell me ten good things about yourself?” 

At first it was hard for her and she needed a lot of prompting as well as she would make me go first to model examples for her.  Eventually, she began to really like the game and sometimes even get silly with it – “I am a marvelous cupcake baker” with an exaggeration on the word marvelous.

In the end, it did change her negative self-talk.  In fact, I overheard her telling her neighbor friend the other day about how telling yourself ten good things whenever you think one bad thing is important for your brain and will make you happy.

I hope this is of help to others in some way.  What techniques have you used to battle negative self-talk or to raise the self-esteem of your child with special needs?

A Community of Mothers: The Internet Has Found You

I have been thinking a lot about a community of mothers*.  You see, I used to always daydream about the days when mothers would get together over coffee in the morning and talk about the kids and the housework, swap recipes, share advice, etc.  At least, that is the way the books I would read always suggested it was – back when most moms were stay at home moms.

Being a stay at home mom myself, I felt wouldn’t that be such a wonderful resource, but alas I didn’t know how to make it actually happen.  How impossible would it be for my friends to drive over to my house every day for coffee!  Then along came the internet.

I have found that community of mothers I was seeking.  Online, I can talk to other mothers every day – even multiple times a day.  We can share stories, advice, recipes, anything really.  We all can do it when it is convenient for us to do so, and we can do it without having to step outside our front doors.  Seriously, all those naysayers who think the internet killed interpersonal communication have gotten it wrong.  We are communicating and our voices are growing stronger through the support from one another.

Moms with children who have learning disabilities or other special needs can reach out across the globe to help each other.  Moms who homeschool can swap resources and share stories.  There really are groups and ways to connect with pretty much any group of moms you are looking to meet.  Whether you live in a bustling city or out so rural the cows are your only neighbors, you can have a community of moms just like you.

Thank you to my community of moms from around the world.   

You mommas are amazing!

--To find groups for auditory processing disorder support, check out my post Facebook Auditory Processing Support Groups.  It has links to the groups themselves.

---And here is one I participate in for Dyslexia (There are probably more and feel free to comment and tell me them so I can update this.): Dyslexia Support Australia 

---Comment and let me know others and I'll gladly add them here as well.

*Daddies are great too, but it is mommas who seem to be connecting the most in my experiences.  Thank you to you daddies out there that are part of this global community of parenting as well.

A Call to Compassion: Stop the Bullying

(This didactic speech was inspired by my friend's child being bullied, and on a support group for children  with auditory processing disorder where she posted about it, parent after parent wrote: "It happened to my child too!" Pair that with what is happening everywhere we look in society, and I had to express my opinion. )

As a society, we need to take that next big step into enlightenment. What I mean by this is we need to stop comparing ourselves to others and garnering our self-worth from how much better we are at something than someone else, how much more attractive we are, how much wiser we think we are, or how much more money we have.  None of that matters!  We are all human beings and our self-worth needs to come from the knowledge that we are actively compassionate people who strive to do our best and recognize the value in ourselves as well as that in others.  It’s time to believe that there is room in this world for all of us to shine and one light does not extinguish another.

You see, I have read account after account of children being bullied by other children and unfortunately, sometimes by adults.  Why are they being bullied? They are being bullied because they can’t do something as well as another, they don’t have the same looks as someone else, or they somehow are different.  Some children, following the path that society has laid out to them as the right one, have learned to value themselves by putting down others.  They position themselves as a “leader” in a social setting by excluding others through actively harming them.  This creates the “haves” and the “have nots” that society is so fond of: the smart and the not smart, the pretty and the not pretty, the rich and the not rich, the whites and the not whites, the Christian and the not Christian, the American and the not American, the men and the not men.  Do you see where I am going here?  It’s all about comparison and nothing about compassion!

Of course, it is worse than just those actively bullying.  The others just stand aside and accept it.  Why?  Well of course it is for survival.  In a world where you are either a “have” or a “have not” and the “have nots” are tortured, most people actively align themselves with the “haves” no matter the cost.  The only ones who do not are the ones whom have already taken that next step and realized how ridiculously foolish and harmful the whole game is.  They have their self-worth in being a compassionate human being who values everyone (which does not mean everyone's ideas, beliefs, or actions - just that they are people who have some value in some way), and so they have the strength to not go along with the crowd – to stick up for the one being bullied.

It’s time to start actively pursuing this goal of compassion.  Start pursuing it on an individual basis.  Start actively teaching it to our children.  Start demanding it be reflected in our larger society.  How?  Support compassion where you see it: put your heart, your money, your work into compassion being practiced, whether it be the child sticking up for another at school, the business putting its profits into helping others, the politician refusing to support discriminatory laws, the movie where there are main characters eliciting kindness in others, the fashion magazine that showcases a variety of body images and price levels, the church that accepts everyone, etc.  Refuse to support intolerance!  Refuse to support those people and those entities drawing the line and categorizing into the “haves” and “have nots”.

Or as John Lennon put it so many years ago, "Give peace a chance."

-This article is cross-posted on both this blog and my personal blog as it is relevant to both.

Graphic Novels Have Made My Pre-Teen a Book Lover

I absolutely cannot say enough great things about graphic novels (anime/manga/etc).  My daughter who has auditory processing disorder and mild visual processing disorder which both contribute to her dyslexia, has found them to be an amazing avenue into the world of fiction.

You see, unlike traditional novels, graphic novels have pictures that tell the majority of the story, with the words being there to aid the pictures as needed. Being a visual thinker, pictures are her natural way of processing the world.  Pictures are how her memory best retains information.  So a story told through pictures is ideal for her.  She can process it quickly and easily.  So she gets to enjoy the story rather than struggling through processing all those words that are in traditional novels.

Along the way, she is reading the words that go along with the pictures.  This is building her sight vocabulary, her fluency, and more importantly, her confidence in reading!

I have a daughter who adores reading now!  She consumes her graphic novels from the library and begs to go back for more each and every week.


(UPDATE:  My daughter Hailey told me that if you read just the words, you'll only get part of the story, and if you just look at the pictures, you'll only get part of the story.  She says you have to do both.)

Lindsey Simpson: An Inspirational Young Woman Who Happens to Have Auditory Processing Disorder

Lindsey Simpson is a high school senior, artist, amazing photographer, and wonderfully inspiring young woman.  She is devoutly religious and credits God for always being there for her, supporting her, and helping her to be the amazing person He created her to be.

As a young child, Lindsey struggled in school and her parents, although knowing something was not quite right, did not know why.  In 7^th grade, she was blessed with a math tutor who suggested that her parents get her tested for auditory processing disorder.   To her parents and her relief, they finally had the answer they had been looking for!

“My spirits went sky high because I finally had an answer as to why I struggled so much.  I started to get accommodations and my grades improved.  I felt so relieved that there was a real reason for my struggles and it wasn’t my fault for doing so poorly.”

Although Lindsey continued to have to work very hard academically and rarely got the high marks children without learning disabilities/special needs did, she managed to succeed in getting honored with acceptance into the Beta Club (a high academic honor) her junior year!  It was the first time she was publicly recognized for her hard academic work.  Never shying away from hard work, Lindsey has also earned the honor of being editor of her high school yearbook and vice-president of the art club.

Beyond academic success, Lindsey has found that she is very talented in the arts.  Not even having graduated from high school yet, Lindsey has honed her entrepreneurial spirit and started her own photography business, Linds LensPhotography.  She has done many professional shoots for people and decided that this is her life’s passion.  “I wouldn’t want to do anything else!”

A phenomenal artist, Lindsey also paints and her artistic expression of what it is like to live with auditory processing disorder won 2^nd place in the 2012 Hidden Thoughts of LD Art Competition! 

"I have Auditory Processing Disorder. This is a painting of an ear with a question mark inside it. The colors on the right side represent sound in reality and the colors on the left side represent the sound through my ears. My ears and brain don’t connect right, so the things I hear sound broken and often don’t make sense. I can put bits and pieces together, but it’s hard to put it all together to make sense of everything that I hear."



After graduating high school, Lindsey plans on taking art-related classes at her local university.  Her goal is not necessarily to graduate with a degree, but to enhance her artistic abilities which she can use for all her creative pursuits and especially her intended career as a professional photographer.  Her hope is that her photography business will eventually provide her with a full-time income.

Outside of school, her photography business, and her art, Lindsey also co-founded a support group for teenagers with auditory processing disorder.  Reaching out for connection herself, she met another teenager with auditory processing disorder through a Facebook support group.  They were both so happy to have someone who understands what they are going through being a teenager with APD and became such great friends, they decided to share that experience with others.  They wanted other teenagers to feel the same support and understanding that has so blessed their own lives.

Being the kind, compassionate young woman that she is, Lindsey also reaches out to people whose lives have been affected by auditory processing disorder through her personal blog, apdgirl.blogspot.com, where she writes of her experiences as well as by being a personal mentor/older friend to some preteens with APD.

Lindsey is also very active with her church and volunteers her time to teach 2 year olds on Sunday mornings.  “I love little kids because they’re so precious and they don’t judge you.  They love you for who you are and don’t even notice your flaws.”

When asked what advice she would give to children with auditory processing disorder, Lindsey had this to say:

“I want every kid with any learning disability to understand that they're not alone. It's easy to be down on yourself and assume you're the only one. But I want them to know they're not and I'm living proof of that! Be confident and don't be afraid to ask if you need something repeated and don't be ashamed either. There's nothing 'wrong' with you, you just have a unique perspective that others don't have!" 

Robyn Young: An Inspirational Young Woman Who Happens to Have Auditory Processing Disorder

Robyn Young is a University student at St Thomas University pursuing her Bachelor of Arts.  She intends to eventually be either a social worker or a speech language pathologist, where she will have the opportunity to do what she is so talented at doing: helping other people.  Already having helped other teenagers with Auditory Processing Disorder by co-founding a Facebook teenage support group, writing a blog of her experiences being a young woman with APD, as well as being a personal mentor to some preteens with APD, Robyn has shared her heart and experience with many others, fostering courage and self-esteem. 

“Lindsey Simpson and I met on one of the APD groups a little over a year ago now.  After talking to each other for about a month and being so grateful to have one another for support - having someone to talk to who understands and has no judgments - we wanted to open that experience to other teens with APD so they could meet and make supportive, understanding friends.”

Robyn inspires people by her support and her positive attitude.  Feeling her biggest accomplishment to date is having graduated from high school and getting accepted into every university she applied to, she has worked hard academically.  Even though she had to study long hours and suffered teasing from fellow students along the way, she never gave up and succeeded in passing her very challenging 12^th grade final examinations standardized by the Newfoundland government.

Another major accomplishment for Robyn has been overcoming her fear of public speaking.  Looking back over her life, she always felt uncomfortable speaking in front of other people, but could get up and sing beautifully.   In 11^th grade, she decided to put herself out there and got involved in the drama club and public speaking.  She practiced reading aloud her speech for many, many hours and was able to conquer her stuttering and her fear; she did so well she managed to win first place at a club level competition!  Now she feels that skill will help her throughout her life.

“I am so glad that I now have those skills to be a leader because I think that will take me a long way in the ‘real world’ and it has done wonders for my self-esteem and social skills.” 

Robyn has become a support for many others, but who were her supporters? 

“First and foremost would be my mom.  It is because of her strong willed personality and determination with everything she does, that I am the determined woman I am today.  She has helped me to remain confident.”

Besides her mother, Robyn was also very fortunate to have a high school guidance counselor who didn’t know much about auditory processing disorder in the beginning, but learned along the way and became an advocate for Robyn and her journey.  This counselor is still available and helpful to Robyn even though she is no longer a student at the high school.

Finally, one teacher can make a huge difference in a child’s life.  Robyn had one such teacher in her 9^th grade English teacher.  He was kind, patient, and believed in Robyn even though she struggled with language, both written and oral.  He took the time to work with her and helped her develop her skills.  As evidenced by her wonderful blog posts at Auditory Processing Disorder: Breaking the Silence of this Silent Disorder, her writing is well written and powerfully motivating.

When asked what bit of advice she would give to children with auditory processing disorder, she thoughtfully replied:

“If I could give the younger generation of APDers any advice, it would be to believe in themselves no matter what life throws your way.  That may seem pretty generic and typical, but when you have APD, that advice can go a long way.  There will be so many days when you feel like you’re nothing and can’t possibly go anywhere, however that is not true!  Just always remember to never be afraid to ask for help, never give up, and believe that you can do it!”