I Don't Want To Be Cute - I Want To Be Heard (The Speaking Slip-Ups of APD)

Recently Hailey (my intelligent, well-spoken, teenage daughter with auditory processing disorder) and I had a discussion about being heard - truly heard by people.  She mentioned how she doesn't like it when people laugh when she says something "wrong" or substitutes the wrong word when speaking - like restaurant for restroom.  Everyone knows what she meant and so to point it out to her is really not very thoughtful.  However, when confronted by this, those same people always remark that they are not being unkind but they simply think it is "cute". 

I remember growing up and having the same experiences.  I was seven years old when my family moved from Massachusetts to Georgia in the mid-seventies.  Not only did I have to learn how to listen to people's thick southern accents and understand them, but people judged me based on my thick Boston accent; I was called a "Yankee" and teased and sometimes even ostracized.  So I immediately got to work on losing that Boston accent and learning the southern one.  It worked and within no time at all, people didn't even realize I was a "Yankee" and I was treated much better.

When I was eleven, my family moved from Georgia to California.  This time, I had no problem understanding the Californians and their non-accent, but again my accent - my southern accent this time, caused me some anguish.  Whenever I would speak, people would laugh and ask me to "Say that again."  It infuriated me that they weren't listening to what I was saying but rather how I was saying it.  I was continually told how "cute" my accent was and I didn't like it.  I wanted my words to be heard and my meanings to be understood.  I did not want to be "cute".  So again, I immediately got to work on changing my accent.

People with auditory processing disorder (APD) can't just change their accent; they can work hard at learning proper speech and yet slip-ups happen.  Hailey had private, very-expensive and very valuable speech therapy for eight years.  She has a tremendously good sense of grammar and a large vocabulary.  She no longer has any phonological issues.  However, her APD can cause her to substitute words or mispronounce a word - even though she knows it to be wrong when pointed out to her.  It's just the way it is with auditory processing disorder and using context, any listener can easily figure out what she means.

Like anyone - especially an intelligent young woman with a voice that wants to speak and be heard, people with APD don't want their voice to be dismissed lightly as "cute" or to be discriminated against as someone with less intelligence than they have.  They want you to listen to their meaning! Like the rest of us, they want to feel heard and respected.

So please remember to listen respectfully and keep any unwanted side comments to yourself. Don't make judgements based on how the person speaks but listen to what the person is saying.  And even if you think you are not being harmful by pointing it out, be aware that perhaps you are offending that person after all.